NOMINATIONS: Best Funny Moment

[admin]

The Laugh Out Loud Root Beer Jellie

This award goes to the Mentalist fic with the best funny moment, where a character says something/does something hilarious or the author leaves you in stitches.

Each person can nominate up to two fics for this category. Please remember to include the title, author, rating and a link to the story. Also include a brief description of the moment in your nomination.

[lilsmiles]

Nominee: Pita

Author: Ebony10

Rating: K

Story: LINK HERE

Moment:

Stepping through the threshold, she paused and looked back at him. “By the way, I didn't name her Jane. I named her Pita.”

“Pita?” His forehead furrowed in confusion.

The smile on Lisbon's face was beautiful. “Yes. It stands for Pain In The Ass.”

And with that she was gone, leaving a bewildered yet amused Jane.

[WildDaisies10]

Nominee: Little Beach Moments

Author: Divinia Serit

Rating: T

Story: LINK HERE

Moment:

“What the hell, Jane?” she asked while he stood in front of her dripping wet. A big smile appeared on his angelic face as he took on the picture of perfect innocence.

“I was just making some barbeque. Good barbeque has to be a little burnt.”

“Burnt? This is charred!” she exclaimed staring at the mess around them. “And were you barbequing yourself too?” she asked sarcastically.

“That was a minor setback,” he said sheepishly as she groaned and returned indoors. Van Pelt looked up from the book she was reading to see her boss look rather annoyed.

“Jane set himself on fire,” was all Lisbon said.

[PhoenixWytch]

I was going to nominate Little Beach Moments.

Oh well. Off to find of fics to nominate.

~ Jennifer

[tromana]

Nominee: Twenty for Twenty
Author: hardly loquacious
Rating: K+
Link: HERE

Short of quoting the entire thing, I'll go for this moment:

Rigsby moved to defend his boss’s honour but Lisbon cut him off, “Come of it Jane, you made a lucky guess! And you can hardly blame us since for most of the day you’ve been doing your best to get on my nerves and act as much as possible like the biggest and most obnoxious pill that I’ve ever met.”

Despite the insult she seemed quite pleased with herself. I was even more confused when Cho walked over and handed her twenty dollars.

“What’s going on?” I asked, although I was relieved to notice that Van Pelt and Rigsby seemed equally in the dark.

“Cho bet me twenty bucks this morning that I couldn’t come up with 20 different ways to call you a pain in the ass in one day. I just met my goal.” Her voice might have been calm, but her eyes were dancing with fun.

When I looked askance at the other agent he just shrugged, “Twenty for twenty, it seemed fair. Besides, I didn’t think that even you could be that annoying.”

I didn’t know whether or not I was flattered or insulted. But given that it meant that I was (unintentionally) responsible for the triumphant smile on Lisbon’s face I had a feeling flattered might win the day. Especially if I could somehow get in on the teasing, “Such conduct by California’s finest,” I remarked in a tone of exaggerated disapproval.

She just shrugged, “Hey, if I have to deal with your lunacy day in and day out I figured I may as well make some extra money at the same time.”

Well, she was nothing if not practical. And planned or not, as I glanced at the pair of smirking agents across the room I couldn’t help but smile myself. This definitely counted as livening up Theresa Lisbon’s day, and I figured we could all count that as a win.

[WildDaisies10]

Nominee: 101 ways to Intimidate People!

Author: JocelynMcC

Rating: T

Story: LINK HERE

Moment: Sorry for the length, but I had to post the whole thing. Otherwise, it isn't as funny

"Why are you still single?“
"Excuse me?“
"I was just wondering, we’ve known each other for six years now, and I’ve never seen you go on a single date.“
“My love-life is none of your business.”
“Geez! I thought we were friends, Tess. You know, you can talk to me. I’m not gonna call your granny if you wanted to out yourself.”
“Says the guy, who lives in celibacy.”
“But I do take an interest. Take that cop that asked you out, for example. He seemed okay. Well, in a Harry Potter kind of way.”
“Who said he asked me out?”
“You said-“
“-that he asked a person out. That doesn’t necessarily imply who that person is.”
“But if he …?”
“I told him you were available on Fridays and Saturdays. He’s gonna call you next week.”

[tromana]

Nominee: CBI
Author: ShakNali
Rating: K
Link: HERE

Moment:

She remembered he’d been writing on it when they were attempting to question Wilson. Curious, she went over and picked up the pad. There, in Jane’s distinctive handwriting, she read:

Cheerful

Business

Institute

Colorful

Bingo

Inventors

Chicago

Bowling

Instructors

Confidential

Brotherhood of

Inquisitors

Chocolate

Boxes

Incorporated

Caped

Battlers against

Injustice

Laughing out loud, Teresa dropped the pad back on the couch, just as her team came into the office.

[gracevanpelt]

Nominee: Life

Author: Penelope Louise

Rating: T

Story: Link Here

Jane silenced whatever she was going to say by putting his lips on hers. He expected her to push him away, or slap him, but she didn’t. She returned the kiss. He felt for her gun and badge on her desk, and located them. He gently reattached them to the waistband of her pants were they were normally.

Eventually they pulled apart, and Lisbon noticed that Jane had put back her gun and badge. She looked at him quizzically.

“Don’t ever do that to me again.” Lisbon told him.

“What, kiss you?” Jane asked, hurt.

“No. I mean what you did earlier. Never, ever.” Lisbon replied, and Jane brushed away one of the tears still on her face.

“And you never try and quit again. I actually thought I was going to lose you.” Jane murmured, but this time his words were cut off when Lisbon gently kissed him and pulled away. To her surprise, Jane pulled her right back.

“I can’t hear them anymore.” Rigsby noted.

“I wonder what’s happened.” Grace wondered.

“Well, they’re either making out or Jane’s dead and Lisbon’s trying to hide the body.” Cho said knowingly.

[lilsmiles]

Nominee: If You Can't Beat 'Em

Author: hardly loquacious

Rating: K+

Story: LINK HERE

Moment:

“Need I remind you all that I’m standing right here?” Lisbon asked her team.

"Of course you are dear. Feeling neglected are we? Would you like me to read your mind?”

“No!”

“Try to hypnotize you?”

“No!”

“Flirt with you outrageously despite the fact that I’m still consumed by my quest for revenge?”

“NO! What I would like is for everyone to go back to normal!”

“Your eyes are lovely when you’re angry, like a stormy sea.”

“ARGH! Alright fine, you win! Jane, you’re a pain in the ass! Do you want me to smack you in the arm as well or would that be too much? Guess you’ll just have to settle for me storming back into my office to escape you. Let me know when the pizza gets here. I’ll be doing paperwork.” And with that Lisbon did storm into her office.

Jane turned back to the others, “What did I tell you, special relationship.”

[PhoenixWytch]

Shoot! I was going to nominate If You Can't Beat 'Em. The entire story is just so... #laughing

~ Jennifer

[PhoenixWytch]

Nominee: Malfunctions

Author: Ebony10

Rating: K+

Story: LINK HERE

Moment:

It was clear that Lisbon's patience had ended. Van Pelt was surprised it hadn't earlier. She knew what Lisbon was like on an empty stomach. Not a pretty sight. Oddly, there was now a silence on the recording. The team sat, practically on the edge of their seats with expectation. The two maintenance men looked at each other, confused and wondering why the agents were listening to...three minutes of pure silence. Shrugging, they decided to humor them for a moment more. Another minute passed before a voice sounded.

“Lisbon?”

Rigsby couldn't hold it in any longer. A grin burst out, followed by a chuckle that turned into a laugh. Even Van Pelt couldn't contain her amusement. Cho, clearly still expecting something else, remained still. There was the sound of shuffling. Movement, Cho suspected, the clothes of the two of them rustling in the elevator.

“Um, Lisbon? What are you doing? I don't think that's a wise thing to do. You might—”

Suddenly, there was static immediately followed by silence. Cho looked up at the two men. Their expressions indicated that they obviously thought this 'Lisbon' had something to do with their broken system panel that contained controls of the elevator, the recording system, and the blinking emergency light.

“Sorry, fellows, seems that your equipment malfunctioned. Only explanation.”

“But it sounds like—”

The man was interrupted by the entrance of another agent.

“Why are you all standing around? Forget how to run a case without Jane's parlor tricks? Van Pelt, shouldn't you be cross-checking the names of the company's clients with the victim's phone records? Rigsby, bring in the brother for questioning. Cho, look over his background check and prepare to do the interrogation.”

Lisbon was definitely not in a happy mood. Rigsby nodded, any sign of mirth disappearing from his features. Van Pelt had already begun clicking away at her computer. Cho looked at his boss, not even raising an eyebrow. “Thought you were going home for the day?”

“That was just to get Jane to leave. I need to get some work done and with him here, a constant headache, that was never going to happen,” she responded tersely.

The two men had been watching, careful not to make a noise lest they call attention to themselves. During the exchange, they had quickly figured out that this was Lisbon. And she looked very irritated. Suddenly her gaze fell on them, causing them to try to shrink their shoulders in a vain attempt to go unnoticed.

“Who are you two?”

Their panic showed through their widening eyes, making them look like deer in headlights. They looked to Cho. One was brave enough to speak as the other scrambled to the door. “Looks like you're right. Must've malfunctioned. Thanks!”

He practically ran after his coworker. Cho turned back to his desk. He knew they'd see the light. Seeing that they had left the recording, he put it into his desk drawer—it would be a great pick me up for a bad day. He definitely wanted to listen to the entire thing sometime. Bound to be amusing.

He wondered what had happened after the recording 'malfunctioned.' He was sure he'd seen some scratch marks on and around the emergency hatch. Who knew Lisbon was so resourceful?

[diviniaserit]

Nominee: 100 Oneshots - Handcuffs
Author: Wild Daisies
Rating: T
Link: LINK HERE

“Wait.” Lisbon stopped the group from leaving. “I am not going out anywhere with this,” She motioned towards Jane on her right. “Attached to me.” She raised her tiny right wrist up in the air.

Jane’s left wrist also began to rise as the handcuffs that were attaching their hands clanked around.

“We’re not unlocking you.” Van Pelt shook her head. “You know what we want.”

“I hate each and every one of you.” Lisbon fiercely stated.

[gracevanpelt]

Nominee: Shattered

Author: Divinia Serit

Rating: T

Story: Right on this way

“What do you suppose they do in there?” Rigsby glanced at Lisbon’s office. Van Pelt shrugged as she continued her quiet typing, pausing to check the time.

“Wild, passionate monkey love,” said Cho with a straight face. Rigsby grimaced.

“Man, I did not need that mental picture.”

“You asked, I answered.” Cho continued reading.

[diviniaserit]

Thanks! I was hoping someone would nominate Shattered

[gracevanpelt]

No problem I loved it! I printed off Hay Fever and I'm taking it as reading material for my plane journey tomorrow

[poeticjustice]

Nominee: Blame the Heat!

Author: ch19777

Rating: M

Story: Link here

As we wait for the elevator, he stands closer to me as necessary, making my skin crawl. In a good, exciting way. “So, Lisbon, tell me. You really were looking forward to get a chance to check out my bare arms and legs today, huh?”

The nerve of that guy! “I only don't want you to get a heatstroke at work. Too much paperwork to deal with if you collapse here.” I bark and dart an angry glance at him in order to shut him up, but it only seems to fuel his boorishness.

“I'm sorry that I let you down today. Really, I'll make up for it tomorrow by wearing clothes which accentuate the relevant parts of my body. “

Where the heck is that damn elevator? I frantically hit the button several times. If it wouldn't equal a suicide attempt in this heat, I'd take the stairs to get away from Jane. Finally! My silent plea for other people to join us on our ride up go unanswered. Of course. But at least I can escape to the solitude of my office in a few seconds.

Once inside the elevator, Jane begins to take off his jacket. “What are you doing?”

“It really is kind of hot in here, isn't it?” Smiling broadly, he unbuttons his vest and doffs it, then starts undoing his shirt.

Damn. I force myself to recall details of recent homicides that I worked on, in an attempt to keep my thoughts busy and distract them from the presence of Jane's half-naked torso.

When we finally arrive at our floor, I dare to cast a glance in Jane's direction. I shouldn't have. The jacket and vest and shirt are a crumpled mess in his hands and no longer cover his upper body. There is nothing to shield my eyes and my unbalanced mind from the stimulative view of his abs and pecs and muscled arms.

I flee like a hunted deer, out of the elevator and past a very perplexed Van Pelt, until I reach my safe office. Before I slam the door shut, I hear Van Pelt's querying voice and Jane's delighted snicker.

Screw you, Jane.